Getting More than a Garden Variety Partner

May 28, 2013 in Karen's Soapbox

 

I don’t usually post my articles, but I thought I’d share this one today for all of us who are still single and searching for the best partner possible.  Enjoy!

 

Adam and Eve were made for each other—literally!  They didn’t have to go to a juice bar or hope to get lucky at the Work-OutGarden.  Eve didn’t have to strut her stuff in the latest fashion, or get a tattoo on her left shoulder blade to get a little attention.  She didn’t have to have a Ph.D. in horticulture or be at whiz at 1001 Ways to Cook Zucchini.  She didn’t have to prove her brilliance or do a thing to impress Adam.  He was impressed the moment he laid eyes on her. 

 

That must have been a great thing!  She didn’t have to wonder if he was really Mr. Right or whether he had depth or a spiritual side.  She didn’t have to worry that he’d ever even look at another woman.  Apart from grooming the garden, she had no competition for his love at all.  She could just tickle his ribs and be happy!

 Well, Adam and Eve were the first and the last couple to find the dating and mating game so easy.  Singles today face everything from AIDS to aging and varieties of baggage that need to go to the dumpster.  Though it would be nice to pick a guy straight from the garden, many are the rootless variety or they have clay feet.  Some are just plain seedy.  Weeds start to look good.

You wonder if there really is any merit to recycling.

 So what does a spiritual, sophisticated, intelligent woman do these days to find a worthy companion?  Women with a faith perspective often have the difficulty of praying about a partner, but then not waiting for real guidance.  You imagine the next guy that comes along must be the one you prayed for.  Most of the time, he’s not. He just happened to be walking out of Wal*Mart when you ran into him with your cart.   So how do you choose with a little more hope and possibility?

 Taking another look at Adam and Eve, I tend to believe that when God puts two people together, He doesn’t leave much question in their minds about whether He meant for it to happen. From the first meeting, He plants a mutual interest in their hearts and gets something growing.  He gently mixes the sunshine with the rain.  He sends a little shiver of intent right through their stems.

 If you find yourself jumping through too many hoops to figure out if the guy you’re dating is the right one, chances are he’s not.  Mr. Right is clearly all wrong if everything connected with him makes your life more difficult.  Why would God give you a perfect mate and then set you up in an obstacle course to get through the relationship?  Mr. Right will be working as hard to keep you as you are to keep him. 

 When God worked with Jacob and Rachel on their relationship, He did keep them apart for an additional seven years, and Jacob did marry Leah first as was appropriate in those days, but He never allowed Jacob’s heart to be turned from Rachel.  She was the love of Jacob’s life from day one. It was Rachel’s father who put up the red flags.  Jacob just kept taking the flags down till he got to the finish line.

 Granted, most relationships wave a few red flags and they have to be dealt with.  One flag can be good for getting the race for your affections started, but if you keep finding a flag at every turn, chances are you’ll hit a wall eventually.  Sometimes a red flag, just means that you should pay attention to an issue, work it out, and then let the flag disappear.  Having more flags than the United Nations though, might mean you’re not ever going to find harmony.

 Sometimes spiritually oriented women have difficulty believing they deserve a good partner.  They think the guy that likes them (even if they don’t particularly feel the same way back) is probably acceptable.  After all, they should just be happy with someone who is nice, or okay, or stable.  They can’t expect too much. 

 Well, I’d like to know how many of us would pick a new dress or a car, or a pair of earrings with that kind of attitude.  Some of us pick a guy more easily than we do a new hairstyle.  If we pick the right one, we feel gorgeous. If we pick the wrong one, we just weren’t attractive anyway.  We make the assumption that God never meant for us to be beautiful.  Even worse, we make the assumption that we don’t deserve to be loved.

The truth is, God means for you to be beautiful because you already are!  He also means for you to be happy, fulfilled and totally bonkers for the guy in your life.  In fact, if you’re willing to wait for His choice, you’ll get just that.

 Waiting is the hard part.  Sometimes it’s too hard to wait and women find themselves marrying for all the wrong reasons.  They marry for security, or to overcome loneliness, or for help raising children, or simply because they give up looking for the person they really want.  Then, when the marriage fails, they look to God and ask why, when God didn’t pick this person for them to begin with.  What went wrong was that they didn’t wait for God’s choice, they beat Him to the finish line and carried off the wrong prize. 

 Now with self esteem dragging them even lower to the ground and hope nearly gone, they don’t even know how to start the search again. There are no easy answers.  There are endless questions.  Want some  helpful hints?

  • Stop playing the blame game.  Don’t decide because you weren’t raised right, your dad had big ears, your mother didn’t speak five languages and your dog was not a pure bred that you don’t deserve the right person. 
  • Don’t think God isn’t interested in your love life.  He started the whole thing and He is really big on the whole notion of love.  If you’re not clear on that, I refer you to His Word which you can count on.
  • You need to be ready for your partner when he shows up.  That means you’re not encumbered with old baggage, you’re not still kicking yourself about the past and you’re not expecting an Elvis impersonator.  You’re expecting a real, lovable, honorable guy and that’s the one you’ll truly recognize.
  • You also need to put all your cards on the table, express all your concerns, and then leave them in God’s hand.  Let Him hoe out the weeds and restore your garden to good shape.  He’ll help you cultivate something that will really grow!
  • Finally, you need to do something else while you’re waiting.  You can be more effective if you channel the energy that attempts to pull you down and apart, into helping others.  Build a house for Habitat for Humanity, baby sit your grandchildren, or get a cat. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good and benefits others at the same time.  Maybe your partner is out there doing the same thing and that’s how you’ll meet.
  • And one more thing, become a lover.  Become a lover of yourself,and of humanity, and of God.  Remember that everything Adam and Eve started in the garden is pretty good stuff to look for today. So watch out for the snakes, fold up the red flags, plant some new seeds and trust your heart because the right partner is out there and he’s looking for you too.  It could happen today!

 

 

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